Mike the Ho-Man.com
Mike Hoey is the man. You're not.
Michael Edward Hoey
Mike Hoey is the stuff legends are made of. So why are you only hearing about him now? Well, it isn't until now that the technology exists to properly tell his story. And even now, the technology is only advanced enough to tell his tale in a list form.
The accomplishments listed below are not chronological because Hoey is no slave to time, and they are not in any other particular order because it is impossible to differentiate between all of the most amazing things to ever happen to the World.
- Defeated the Evil Empire by firing a proton torpedo into a small vent without his targeting computer
- Once sent a man back in time to protect his soon-to-be mother from a robotic assasin
- He flew an alien ship, carrying a nuclear warhead, into an invading forces' mothership, and detonated it
- Saved all of Middle Earth by tossing an evil ring into a volcano
- Started a fraternity when he was informed his house was on a college's property and needed to be used for school purposes
- Led a group of 11 men in stealing over $150 Million from a Las Vegas casino
- Saved two African tribes from destroying each other by finding and saving their sacred animal
- Escaped from Alcatraz only to break back in and help release tourists who had been taken hostage by a disgruntled ex-marine threatening to unleash nerve gas on San Francisco
- Saved a town by when he kept the Auto Parts plant in business by going on his late father's business trip. He ended up selling half a million brake pads
- Gave his candy factory to a poor, but sweet, boy
- Used his vast fortune, and famous family name, to create an alter-ego that would strike fear into the hearts of Gotham's villians
- Found a satanic guitar pick and defeated the Devil in a rock-off
- Led an army of just 300 soldiers against the Persian Empire's force of 1 million men
- He was an All-American football player for the Alabama Crimson Tide, A Medal of Honor Vietnam Wr hero, an international Ping Pong champion, and a Millionaire owner of a shrimp company.
- He sees dead people.
- Became Heavyweight Champion of the World after defeating Apollo Creed.
- He escaped from Guantanamo Bay Prison
- As an ex-Green Beret, he waged a one man war against a corrupt small town police force.
- Led a Chicago task force that ultimately led to the capture of Al Capone.